For the majority of us, the year 2020 is a year of loss on one level or the other.
Be it grief from a loved one’s passing, anxiety brought on by disrupted plans, despair over shattered hopes and dreams, or plain edginess caused by upheaval in our reliable routines, there are varying degrees of unease that this year has forced us to endure. We may carry on like business-as-usual on the surface, but there is an undercurrent of gloom for reasons best known only to us. Sadness seems to be a readily available state of mind, a viable choice to make should we dare, that is waiting in the wings to free us of this somber reality. If we are the kind with not a care in the world we would promptly slip under that tranquilizing cloud of despair and call it quits. But life reminds us of various things that rely on our positivity, so we keep the comforting sense of gloom at bay and trudge along.
The year 2020 has made us walk on a tightrope clutching a balance pole that has reality weighing on one end and our sanity on the other. It has snatched every decision, choice, and preference off our hands and dismissed us to the sidelines of our own lives. It has shifted us from being entitled to compliant, superior species to weaklings bridled by a microbe.
But in a strange way, 2020 has also delivered the most important spiritual lesson that teachers across ages have strived to drum into their eager masses – Acceptance.
Right off the bat, this may sound like a bad pitch. It is unlike humans to bow down to anything without a fight and it will be a terrible insult to injury if we were to submit to the heavy-handed reality of 2020 without any pushback. But, the reason we kick and scream when asked to accept an unacceptable scenario, I am told, is because the reality we perceive in our mind that is based on preset words, opinions, and expectations is in gross contrast with the actual reality in all its challenges and tragedies as much as its beauty and joys.
“Reality is not something that you integrate into your personal view of things. Reality is life without your distorting stories, ideas, and beliefs. It is perfect unity free of all reference points, with nowhere to stand and nothing to grab hold of.”
Adyashanti
On one misty summer morning, we witnessed the rare appearance of a hummingbird on our deck hovering around a hanging basket overflowing with white and magenta petunias. Truly a sight to behold, we all watched in silent excitement as the creature danced around the flowers for a good while. After it flew away, my husband casually remarked, “It was beautiful, but from what I’ve seen online, I thought hummingbirds are quite colorful. How come this one was all brown?”
Boom! Right there, this innocent questioning that is based on prior mental constructs which our brain has developed over time was a fitting example of how our expectation of reality is at odds with the actual reality. The ashy-looking hummingbird was the only true reality we had at that moment, yet instead of accepting that, the brain jumped into its default job of force-fitting things into familiar boxes. Although this particular scenario was a relatively simple one that only requires an intellectual assimilation of the new information into our existing knowledge, not all concepts of reality are perceived by our minds with the same readiness.
When we have been trained to see everything in contrast – good and bad, God and evil, beauty and ugly, fair and unfair, our worldview of how life should be sometimes gets challenged by how life really is, causing us to resist reality and hence suffer. And the key to end that suffering is to accept reality for what it truly is in this moment, be it bliss or burden.
But this acceptance of reality is not the same as resignation or distraction. It is not positive thinking or consolation to cushion the rugged edges of the moment. It is not about taking false refuge in stories that it is fate, God’s plan or the lack of it, rock bottom in order to pole vault to greater heights or abrupt ending so things wouldn’t get worse. It is rather about facing reality on its own terms without fabricating explanations over the cause or purpose of it. It is about staying in the moment without swiftly moving on to the next and allowing ourselves to feel whatever the moment has for us. It is about standing face to face with the pain and saying “It’s okay.”
There is a story about J. Krishnamurti, the Indian philosopher and mystic as written by Jim Dreaver who was in the audience one spring when Krishnamurti delivered his talk in an oak grove in Ojai, California. Halfway through the talk, Krishnamurti paused, leaned forward, and said, “Do you want to know what my secret is?” Eager to hear from a man who hardly spoke anything about himself or his own process, everyone fell silent in anticipation of what this usually aloof and detached teacher had to reveal about his grand secret. Krishnamurti continued in a soft, almost shy voice, “You see, I don’t mind what happens.”
“Your life, all of your life, is your path to awakening. But resisting or not dealing with its challenges, you stay asleep to Reality. Pay attention to what life is trying to reveal to you. Say yes to its fierce, ruthless, and loving grace.”
Adyashanti
