First things first.
In the new age vernacular, the word meditation is meant to be all about breathing consciously and watching one’s thoughts with a mantra or two thrown in the mix. If this were true then a quarter of the population in the world is enlightened while war and poverty are caused by aliens. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
This is because there is meditation that we do, which would be the breathing techniques and thought isolation practices that come with undeniable benefits, and then there is meditation that we be. Even though the meditation we do is a helpful way to work up a discipline toward the real meditation, the doing alone cannot be called the big M.
So then what is meditation?
Let’s just put it this way – meditation is a boundless, infinite expanse, the edges of which we don’t know yet. We swim five feet into it and think what we experience is meditation, but only when we brave another three feet we find out there is more to it. Be it the realization of cosmic consciousness or be it the sensation of bliss bursting through every cell in our body, the very idea of meditation as defined by even the Buddha of Buddhas is bound to fall short of what we might experience when we actually do it ourselves. So let’s not even try to define that which we cannot fully fathom. We can outline it. We can point in its general direction, but we certainly cannot define it.
Having said that, what we can define, categorize, itemize, and criticize is the path leading toward meditation, for this route is quite the carnival for a few of us.
Not that I am an expert at the breathing and quieting part, but I have been at this for a fair amount of time now (the attempts, not the accomplishments) that for meditation to make sense to me any more, I have to segment the path leading up to it into three stages:
- The grey stage where we make pompous plans to get our act together through meditation, but all we do is read up on it and daydream about it while essentially achieving squat (evidently, this is the stage where I seem to have anchored and cemented myself quite nicely).
- The dark stage – where we dance with the devil (I occasionally wander into this area only to retreat quickly as the sense of cluelessness is a bit overwhelming for my liking. I’ll further expand on my personal wrestle with this stage in the post to follow).
- The light stage – where it all unravels and becomes our own; where we actually get it and be like ‘thy name is meditation’.
The grey and light stages are pretty straightforward – in the first we choose meditation, while in the latter meditation chooses us.
But the dark stage, now that’s where the devil holds ball. Here’s how:
- We jump into a meditation practice with both feet and a teacher in tow, we work diligently at focusing on our breathing and controlling our monkey mind without missing a class or at-home practice, get a grip on our thoughts, even see some of those foretold benefits come to pass.
- We start to nurse some real good feelings that may range from the mild ‘I am really doing this!’ to the monstrous ‘I-am-holier-than-thou’, if not openly then at least in some secret corner of our private thoughts.
- Life gets to us and we face challenges that hinder our process/progress, we beat ourselves up for not being disciplined enough but with time, muster up enough desperation to get back on the wagon.
- We probably try something new to see if that works, sign up for a new meditation practice, read a bit more, gain more insight, change our inclination and approach the whole thing from a different angle. We try harder.
This is the cycle a few of us find ourselves in. But what we fail to realize is that we try so hard because we are made to try so hard by the very thing we are trying to take control of.
You see, the mind is not an isolated entity. It operates with a sly co-conspirator called Ego/I – that elusive sense of self born on association and groomed on beliefs. It is not always a bad thing but it earns a bad rep when it manifests itself based on negativity.
Remember the scene in Jurassic Park where Sam Neil’s character explains to the cocky kid how the velociraptors attack (paraphrased) –
“You would keep your eyes on the raptor in front of you but the actual attack comes from the side, the second raptor that you failed to notice.”
Alan Grant – Jurassic Park
This is something like that, maybe less violent.
Under the ego’s lordship, the mind pulls an elaborate farce by making us think that we are the one in control of the monkey mind. It convinces us about getting on with the practice, fuels our pride to make us feel good about ourselves for accomplishing thus far, douses us with guilt when we fall off the wagon, and also provides us with enough encouragement to start all over again when we falter. Our mind fakes submission and makes us think we have control of the mind while actually our mind is the monkey charmer who waves the stick to make us jump through hoops and guess who the monkey is!
Welcome to meditation.(Cont.)
